Naomi O’Grady, Team Leader at Change Talks, discusses why routine plays an important role in mental wellbeing for children and young people.
The return to school after a long summer break can feel like a sudden jolt. Early alarms, packed lunches, uniforms, homework, traffic it all comes rushing back and for many families, the transition isn’t just logistical, it’s deeply emotional. Moving from the freedom of summer to the structure of school life can bring challenges not only for young children but for teenagers and young adults. As routines begin to re-establish themselves, it’s common to see resistance, tiredness or feelings of anxiety surface.
So how important are routines really? And what can we do if our children or even we ourselves are struggling to settle back into one?
First, it’s important to understand that routines aren’t about perfection. They’re not meant to be rigid schedules or unrealistic expectations that weigh heavily on a family’s energy. Instead, routines offer rhythm, predictability, and a sense of safety. In a world that often feels chaotic and uncertain, having a rough plan for daily life can bring a comforting anchor.
For children and young people in particular, routines help ground their developing brains. As they grow, their brains are learning to manage time, emotions, and responsibilities. When life follows a predictable pattern wake up, eat, go to school, relax, sleep it reduces the mental energy spent on decision-making and worrying about what comes next. This kind of regularity helps children feel secure and gives their minds the space to focus on learning, play, and growth.
Routines contribute to better sleep, which is crucial for mood and cognitive function. They support emotional regulation, helping children navigate feelings like frustration or excitement with more ease. When a child knows what to expect throughout the day, stress and feelings of anxiety often decrease because they feel a sense of control. As children grow older, routines also foster independence and responsibility, skills they’ll carry into adulthood.
While much of the focus is often on getting babies and very young children into routines, older kids and even young adults benefit just as much, if not more, from having a reliable structure in their days. Teenagers and young adults face a whirlwind of developmental changes. Hormonal shifts, the desire for independence, academic pressure, and social challenges all require energy and focus. Without some form of routine, it’s easy for these demands to become overwhelming.
During summer, when schedules are loose and bedtimes vary wildly, it’s common for sleep patterns to become disrupted. When school starts again, that lack of structure can leave young people feeling exhausted and out of sync. Skipping meals or relying on convenience food can add to low energy and irritability. Unstructured time can also lead to procrastination or feelings of isolation, especially if young people don’t have regular social check-ins or shared activities to anchor their days.
I often speak to university students who are building routines for the first time entirely on their own. The freedom can be exhilarating but also daunting as they juggle lectures, deadlines, social lives, part-time jobs, and the basics like cooking and cleaning. For many, learning how to create their own daily rhythms becomes an essential part of adapting to this new chapter in life.
If your child or teen is struggling to get back into a routine, you’re not alone. Many children find the return to school tiring or overwhelming, and this might show in different ways. Some may have emotional outbursts or seem withdrawn, while older students might feel persistently tired or have trouble getting up in the morning.
A helpful place to start is with sleep. Establishing consistent bedtimes and wake-up times, even on weekends, can make a huge difference. Sleep is the foundation of emotional and physical wellbeing and gradually bringing bedtimes earlier and cutting back on late-night screen time will help reset the body clock for school days. Alongside sleep, predictable morning routines like having breakfast together or walking to school create calm and reduce the chaos that often makes mornings stressful.
Children, especially younger ones, often need time to decompress after a full day at school. It’s common for meltdowns or moodiness to appear in the early weeks as they readjust to social and academic demands. Creating quiet downtime before homework or chores can give them a chance to settle. For families, there’s also a temptation to overload after-school schedules with activities to “make up” for the summer. However, it’s important to balance this carefully because kids might need a slower pace to rebuild energy and motivation.
Older children and teens benefit from having a say in their routines too. When they feel involved in creating their schedules, they’re more likely to stick with them. Asking what works best, what’s challenging, and making adjustments together can empower young people to take responsibility while feeling supported.
It’s also worth remembering that returning to routine is a process, not an instant switch. It’s easy to become frustrated when schedules slide or children resist structure, but often what looks like laziness is actually anxiety, and what looks like moodiness can be exhaustion. Approaching resistance with curiosity rather than control asking gently what might be behind the behaviour can open doors to understanding and help everyone feel more connected.
Parents and carers should also be mindful of their own routines during transitions. After a summer of looser schedules, the return to early mornings and packed days can feel just as challenging for adults. Prioritising your own basic needs like sleep, healthy meals, and rest is not selfish; it’s essential. Children pick up on the emotional climate around them, and when parents manage their own wellbeing, it creates a more stable and calming environment for the whole family.
At the end of the day, there is no such thing as a perfect routine. It’s not about strict military precision but about creating gentle rhythms that support everyone’s emotional and physical health. As September unfolds, allow yourself and your family time to find a comfortable pace. Make space to celebrate small victories, like leaving the house on time or enjoying a peaceful dinner together.
Routine is not the enemy of freedom. On the contrary, it provides the scaffolding that allows young people to flourish within a safe and supported framework. Whether your child is five or nineteen, routines can give them the structure they need to grow, explore, and thrive.
If your family is navigating the back-to-school transition right now, be kind to yourselves. Adjust gradually, prioritize wellbeing over perfection, and remember that this phase is just one chapter of many. With patience, support, and a bit of flexibility, routines will settle, and with them, a sense of calm and confidence can return to your days.
