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I dreamed about you often, imagined how I'd feel

A sense of ecstasy, pure joy, a feeling so unreal

craved your existence, the family we could make

It was going to be magical, the journey we would take.

Naively, I had it planned it all, I never once did fear

I'd seen the smiles on other mums, the laughter I would hear

Nobody could sway me, or make me doubt me strength

I believed you were my destiny, I'd go to any length.

Your arrival, quite traumatic, couldn't push away the thought

My heart now should be bursting, so why am I distraught

My days were spent just crying, tired but I couldn't sleep

My mind it did not feel my own, the worries on they'd creep.

I watched the other mums, they seemed just like before

Why on earth could I not be like them, why was I still raw?

Comparisons took over, resentment setting in,

So angry at the way I'd feel, I couldn't seem to winI'd feel powerless and nervous, the role not working out

Just getting through the next day, another day of doubt.

But see, I love my baby, I love her like no other,

Just sadly for a little while, I was robbed of being a mother

My brain could not allow it, the illness it is realIt hurts a lot to look back and remember how I'd feel

Yet I should not feel guilty, this path has paved the way,

For now we have the strongest bond that I can truly say

You were sent to teach me, my heart is now fullThose thoughts, though never far away, they're dwindling,

They're dull.

So mums forget the pressures, comparisons, the norm

Your journey's a unique one from the day your babies born

It sure as hell ain't easy, there's mountains there to climb

Just climb them at your own pace, one step at a time.

Amanda Davidson